Doubts and Birthdays

This past week has marked a milestone in our little girls life. She turned 2 and I still can't believe. I guess I'm going to be saying that pretty much until she's an adult right? I can't believe we have a 2 year old! It was a great birthday for her, She got lots of gifties from us and her Grandparents and all in all it was a great day. However it was a particularly difficult day for me. It was one of those moments that made me realize how homesick I actually was.







I miss our friends and family. I really miss the interaction between those friends and family and our children. It was one thing I loved about everyone, how great they interacted with Logan and Fox and I really miss it. Nobody here loves our children like at back home and skype does make it easier but it's not the same.

It got me and Andrew talking about what we really want in life. Right now we are torn. Christchurch is not what we thought it would be...and yep I can pretty much blame it all on the Earthquake. Besides the constant living in fear of aftershocks, the earthquake changed a lot for us other than that. Yes Andrew came here for Law school and yes he's enjoying it. We also came for a lifestyle change and a better life for our kids. We didn't know if we were going to stay beyond the 4 years or not but we wanted to give it a try. After the earthquake things changed drastically. We adapted quickly to the boiling water and the terrible roads and the non-functioning toilets. Those were minor annoyances and didn't rattle our views about coming here. One of my reasons for coming was I love the Ocean. I love swimming in it and surfing in it but the water is so contaminated you can't even go near it. We all got gastro from the beach a few weeks ago. What used to be a vibrant city is now a dead town. Nobody's really around, everyone is transient. People are all dealing with something whether it be insurance claims, chemical toilets, emotional turmoil, construction, moving, staying, going, who knows? All I can describe Christchurch as right now is transient. It's very difficult to live in it right now not knowing anyone...and the problem with an Earthquake and the severe destruction it caused in this city and the ongoing ones means it's not an easily fixable problem and it's not going to be fixed overnight.

We just don't know if we're willing to dedicate the next 4 years to living among this and spending the amount of money we have to spend to be here on this kind of experience. There are many factors to be considered, one being our future in Toronto which seems bleak as well. We do have friends and family there who mean the world to us but the cost of living in Toronto is too high. We'd never own a home, we'd be treading water the rest of our lives. We do feel a bit trapped right now and it's difficult. We've also talked about wanting another child (Don't worry not right now!) and we're not sure how this would work with our NZ plans right now. They deport pregnant non-residents because their maternity services are too stretched apparently, and it would cost more to go home and have a baby than to just have one here. We don't want another child right now but also not in 6-7 years.

Lots to think about and big decisions to make. I did find myself giddy when the new rebuild Christchurch plans came out this week, but then was quickly disappointed that even the basic things are going to take 5-10 years to rebuild. We always said we'd give it a year and the year isn't up so I don't want to say how we feel yet because right now it changes often. I definitely know that visitors would help ease the homesickness *wink wink*

In other news, Fox is getting lots of Toothies. I can't say enough how cute he is. He is absolutely adorable!! Pictures don't really do him justice but he's just the happiest most content little guy. However he is absolutely terrified of strangers. Logan would walk away with anybody when she was a baby. But Fox wails! We had my friend Ruth and her friend Kaitlyn stop in from Canada last Thursday. They were on a NZ road trip and stopped in to see us which was sooo great. It was so nice and comforting seeing a familiar face. Anyways point of the story was Fox wouldn't stop crying, he was inconsolable. I felt so bad for them. I always hate it when babies cry at me. Fox is a complete chicken. I can't put on Baby Einstein videos for Logan anymore because he cries at the puppets...seriously! the puppets?!
Anyways here's a picture of his toothies:





Here's a couple extra videos. Our kids are awesome, this is pretty much what I walk into every afternoon after their nap is done.



Here's them doing the Row Row Your Boat song :)




Here's a picture of Logan and Fox passed out in the car on a recent car trip...so cute!